... for your opponent.
I should have realized the early game chatter was an omen ...
- somecanadian: "Hi there"
- sean: "Hi - lets have a good game."
- somecanadian: "Actually I was hoping that you would give me a quick win."
- sean: "I guess I could try."
- somecanadian: "You can do it if you try. I believe in you."
Well - here are the rules. Enjoy!
1. Rule 1 - Play a 20 10 time control. You see, this time control is way too fast to work on your thinking process or store long term chess "knowledge". And, if your time is so limited, you would be better off playing a few 2 5 games instead where you can at least get exposure to all sorts of opening variations. So, selecting an ineffective time control is a good start.
2. Rule 2 - Create a weak colour complex. Have a look at the board. This came about after 1.c4 e5 2.g3 Nf6 3.Bg2 d5 4.cxd5 Nxd5 5.Nc3 Nxc3 6.Bc5. Something like Qb3 would have made sense. Instead I opted for e4, creating very weak white squares. My goal was to make the Bishop bite granite, ultimately playing d4. Not a terrible idea if it wasn't for those poor little white squares.
3. Rule 3. Lack of follow-through. Play then went: 0 0 8 Ne3 Bf5. Look at that:
I seemed to have forgotten my plan of d4 and now I had was getting a free pawn. Dan crinnged. I could almost visualize him putting out his hand to block me from taking the pawn, screaming "Nooooooooooo".
Did you notice that nasty Bishop on f5, dominating my lovely white squares. But my mind was still on Fantasy Island. Actually, even Hiarcs didn't seem to mind.
4. Grab, grab, grab. So I took the pawn and my friend naturally moved the Knight to d7. Hurray, more material - I was about to win the exchange. Oh yeah, and lose my key defender of White squares. My opponent must have been smiling when I grabbed the Rook. He of course recaptured with the Queen.
5. Rule 5 - Make a bad move quickly. Did I mention that I decided to capture the Rook in 13 seconds. Yup, to really play poorly, it's critical to ignore critical positions. But is this really a critical position? Hmmm - If I was aheadthe exchange and a pawn and Black had no compensation, I should have a won game. So this capture could give me a won game. That sounds kind of critical. Of course if I could prove thar this was the best move, then Trigger 1 would justify my haste. Given that this was a very bad move (retreating the Bishop would have been best), I should have used Trigger 2 and spent a few minutes doing some hard thinking.
6. Rule 6 - Ignore the rules of symmetry - I was way ahead in material but in a positional quagmire. That type of balance is not what I should have been after. A small advantage in one area (material, for example) but even posiitonally would have been much better.
Let's see, where are we? 10. Bxa8 Qxa8 11.Rg1 Nf6 12.d4 (too little, to late) exd4 13.Nxd4 Be4. Here's a picture.
Yup, I'm feeling pretty cramped. So, I figure I should at least trade of the black square Bishops. 14.a4 h5 15.Ba3 Bxa3 16.Rxa3 Ng4. Hey, now is a good time for overlooking basic tactics! I think we need another picture ...
7. Rule 7 - Lose before you are lost
I played h3 here. What!!!!! f3 was begging to be played and would actually have gotten me back into the game. Ugh 17.h3 Nh2 18.Qxh5 Qb7 19.Qd1 c5 Ouch!
20.Rb3 Qd5 21.Rb5 cute - I'm actually eating up my clock and playing decent moves. Too bad I'm lost.
Have a look at the board of a desperate man.
The rest was simple. 21 ... a6 22.Ra5 Rb8 23.Nc2 Nf3+ Ke2 Qc4+ Qd3 Qxd3#
Can you sense the irony. The Queen, Bishop and Knight are all on white squares!
Wait a second! What about Rule 8?
8. Rule 8 - Rely on a computer to do a human's job - i.e. be your chess coach. It's easy to think your chess analysis software has all the answers. And meaybe it does - if you are a computer. But I'm not. When I looked at the analysis provided by Hiarcs it was far from clear what the real problems were. Thankfully ,there is an alternative, i.e. Dan. Carbon beats silicon. Hurray!
To download the game, Download somecanadian.pgn
or play through the game here